


Bathed in Blue

by whyimgoingtohell



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Caleb is very understanding, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Why don't more people appreciate Ryan Shaver?, alex/zach is minor, mentions of past violence, non graphic sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-14 10:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14767968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyimgoingtohell/pseuds/whyimgoingtohell
Summary: “Hey,” Caleb say, breaking Tony from his thoughts. “Where were you just now?” he asks with a fond smile.“Nowhere,” he laughs in response, “Just thinking.”“About what? Or should I say who?” Tony gives a confused look and Caleb gestures to the left. “You were staring at that blonde kid.”





	1. You said let's take a break, not a breakdown

Tony always said that he didn’t do high school boys. They didn’t know what they wanted, they smelled like B.O. more often than not, and they were just all around disasters. He would know, as a high school boy.

No, Tony much preferred older men. Sure, things didn’t really work out with Brad, but now he has Caleb and things were going great! Caleb was the whole package. Handsome, sweet, tough, kind, and he never put up with Tony’s bullshit. He needed someone like that. Things were perfect, Caleb was perfect, so why, when he sees Ryan sitting alone at Monet’s, does he feel so empty.

“Hey,” Caleb say, breaking Tony from his thoughts. “Where were you just now?” he asks with a fond smile.

“Nowhere,” he laughs in response, “Just thinking.”

“About what? Or should I say who?” Tony gives a confused look and Caleb gestures to the left. “You were staring at that blonde kid.”

Tony looks over and sees Ryan checking his phone and glancing out the window before his shoulders drop and he stares into his coffee. He looks like he might cry and that fills Tony’s chest with sadness. They may have broken up, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still care for him.

Tony clears his throat and turns his attention back to Caleb who gives him a knowing look.

“So, you know him?” Caleb asks.

“Y-yeah, actually, we uh we dated.”

Caleb suddenly looks far less amused, but he covers his displeasure with a neutral look.

“Oh, why did you break up?”

It’s an easy question. Simple really, but it opened up a can of worms in Tony’s mind. His two strikes. The guy with one eye. Hannah. Ryan. It was too much at once.

Tony swallowed his anxiety. “Just wasn’t feeling it anymore,” he lies.

“Come on Tony I can tell you’re lying. The way you looked at him-” Caleb cuts himself off and takes Tony’s hand. “You can tell me.”

For some reason this just makes things worse. Tony can feel the anger building up inside him and he wants to squash it down, but he can’t. He’s livid and he doesn’t even really know why. He wants to scream and flip the table and break every mug in sight. He stands up quickly, knocking his chair to the floor and slams his hands on the table.

“No, I can’t Caleb! I can’t fucking tell you! Will you please just fucking accept the fact that there are some things I don’t want to talk about!” With that he storms out of Monet’s, to his car and slides in the driver’s seat.

After about 30 seconds, the passenger door opens and Caleb slowly gets in.

“Get the fuck out,” Tony hisses.

“No,” Caleb says calmly, folding his arms.

“Caleb I said get the fuck out!” Tony yells, punching Caleb in the arm and stomach as hard as he can. Caleb grabs his wrists and squeezes tight. Tony struggles and swears, but he won’t let go until Tony has calmed down enough.

Tony’s protests transform into sobs as he breaks down. Caleb releases his wrists and pulls Tony’s head to his chest as best he can in the cramped car.

“Please tell me what’s going on,” Caleb says, soothingly. Tony exhales shakily and breaks from Caleb’s embrace.

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can,” Caleb declares, “and you’re going to because these outbursts are unacceptable.”

Tony feels rage start to bubble again and he scoffs.

“Gee, good to know, Mom.”

“Stop it. Stop trying to push me away, Tony. It’s not going to fucking work.”

Tony can see how serious Caleb is about this. They’re inches apart and Caleb presses a firm kiss to Tony’s lips before pulling back. He takes Tony’s keys and puts them in the ignition then turns.

“Drive.”

Tony furrows his brow. “Where?”

“I don’t care as long as it’s private. You’re going to tell me everything.”

Tony wets his lips and runs a hand nervously through his hair. He grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white.

“What if you don’t like what you hear?”

“Tony,” Caleb says, gently turning Tony’s face towards his. “Nothing you could say will every make me not love you.”

Tony doesn’t respond as he puts the car into drive. He’s not quite sure that’s true.


	2. But now we're stranded, we're nowhere to be found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ryan, I’m trying to work on being more open so I’m just gonna say this. You haven’t had any success because you’re still hung up on Tony.”  
> This makes Ryan’s heart stop and his breath catch in his throat. It’s not true, is it? He just wants closure not to restart their relationship; that’s it. He doesn’t miss the way Tony would go with him to every poetry reading, or show affection to him in public, or pin him up against a wall and-shit! Was he still in love with Tony?

Ryan sighs for what feels like the hundredth time today as he checks the time. His date is 20 minutes late. This is the 2nd time he’s been stood up. ‘I guess this is what I get for using Grindr to find love,’ he thinks to himself. And, to make matters worse, Tony is sitting just a few tables away with his super hot boxer boyfriend.

More minutes tick on and Ryan keep his gaze between his phone and the door, purposefully not looking at Tony because if he does he might cry.

They hadn’t ended on a great note or really at all. After what happened with that guy...they just kind of never hung out again and it was understood that they were over. So, while Ryan got zero closure and a hole the size of fucking Texas in his chest, Tony got not one, but two hot boyfriends since then. Life is so not fair.

Sure, he’s not the nicest, but he isn’t a complete dick. He deserves someone’s love too! Right? Maybe...No, no, stop thinking like that.

He checks his phone one more time and sees that it’s not been 30 minutes. Ryan can feel his shoulders slump and tears burn heavy at the back of his eyes. Damn it! This stupid fucking guy is not worth crying over!

A loud clatter makes him jump in his seat and look over. Tony is standing, his chair on the ground, screaming at his boyfriend. Ryan tries not to feel a little joy at this instance, but he can’t help it. There’s some evil part of him that likes seeing trouble in paradise for Tony and his man candy. That is until Tony storms out. Caleb looks around calmly and they make eye contact. Ryan quickly averts his gaze and Caleb rushes out of Monet’s and after Tony.

Ryan sits and ponders what just happened for a minute. He wants to go out and see if Tony’s okay, but he probably wouldn’t be welcomed.

He’s just about to leave when Courtney walks into Monet’s with her girlfriend. What was her name? Tammy? Something like that? Whatever.

Courtney says something to Tammy and approaches Ryan’s table.

“Mind if I sit?” she asks, as she sits in the chair.

Ryan just shrugs. He doesn’t really feel like talking, but she seems to have already decided they’re going to.

“Waiting for another Grindr date?” she teases. They’ve gotten a lot closer since she came out at the trial, but he doesn’t appreciate the familiarity at the moment.

“Fuck off, Courtney,” he says. No real bite behind the words.

“Look Ryan, I consider you a friend-”

“I’m so honoured,” he drawls.

“So I want to see you happy.” This takes him by surprise. They may be friendly, but saying you want someone to be happy in this town? That’s practically a proposal. “Why do you bother with that app, it hasn’t done you any good. Isn’t this like the sixth time you’ve been stood up?”

“It’s only the second,” Ryan defends.

“And that’s two too many. Why don’t you delete that app and find a real guy,” she suggest, shrugging her shoulders.

“Because, Courtney, it’s not like guys are exactly throwing themselves at me. Besides there are like zero gay men left in this place. I can’t just fall in love with my PT buddy turned best fucking friend like Alex and Zach or go into a hardware store and meet the perfect person like you and Tammy,” Ryan say, bitterly as he taps his foot in agitation.

“Don’t be an ass, Ryan, and her name is Tameka,” Courtney corrects, turning to look at her girlfriend who has already found a spot for them. “Ryan, I’m trying to work on being more open so I’m just gonna say this. You haven’t had any success because you’re still hung up on Tony.”

This makes Ryan’s heart stop and his breath catch in his throat. It’s not true, is it? He just wants closure not to restart their relationship; that’s it. He doesn’t miss the way Tony would go with him to every poetry reading, or show affection to him in public, or pin him up against a wall and-shit! Was he still in love with Tony?

Courtney turns once more and sees Tameka gesturing her over. Courtney sighs, grabs Ryan’s hand and squeezes.

“Think about it, okay?”

She goes to join her girlfriend, leaving Ryan with his swirling thoughts. He needs to sort this out. Alone. For a long time. No rash decisions. He says these things in his head as his feet carry him out of Monet’s to where he knows Tony’s car is usually parked. But when he gets there, nothing remains but some tire marks and broken bottles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying my best, fam.


	3. This wasn't easy or free, you said the problem was me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer one

“Tony, why the fuck are we here?” Caleb asks, harshly. Tony has already taken off his seatbelt and opened the door, but Caleb remains still.

“What? You said you wanted privacy and it’s pretty damn private here.” He knows he sounds like a petulant child, but he’s too strung out to care. Ever since they got to Monet’s earlier, Tony has felt like a live wire, but he can’t tell why.

“I don’t know if I feel comfortable being here when you’re acting so volatile,” Caleb reasons. Tony gets it, he does. It’s not everyday your boyfriend drives to the edge of a cliff for a serious talk with you. But he needs to make a point. To show how crucial this conversation is. Still, he’s a little ticked that Caleb doesn’t trust him.

“Really? You think I drove us here so I could throw myself off a cliff right in front of you?” Tony says, cruelly, “Well, trust me, if I wanted to do that I’d have come alone.”

Caleb grabs the front of Tony’s shirt and tugs him forward. He stares into his eyes and growls, 

“Don’t you ever joke about doing something like that. Ever.”

Tony gulps a little and the buzzing under his skin dims. He shouldn’t have said that. Not after everything. He looks into Caleb’s eyes and his boyfriend looks angry. But, under that anger, is fear and worry. Over losing Tony? Despite the fight, it warms Tony’s heart.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” He takes the fist Caleb has balled in his shirt, brings it to his lips and kisses Caleb’s fist until it unclenches. Something in Tony’s chest lurches. That’s what Ryan would do for him whenever he got upset.

Without saying a word, exits the car and goes to sit on the ledge. Immediately, he hears the car door open and shut before Caleb joins him.

“This is just a really good place for important conversations,” Tony says, answering the unasked question. And it’s the truth. This is where he talked to Clay about his suicidal habits. This is where he told Brad about Hannah. This is where he told Ryan he loved him.

That last one hurts more than it should.

“I should have three strikes,” Tony confesses. He feels like a deflated balloon as soon as he says that. Like all the pressure building up inside has just rushed out. Tony knows he’ll have to elaborate, but it’s true what they say, admitting it is the hardest part

He glances over at Caleb who just looks confused.

“No, Tony, should only have two strikes,” he says, slowly, like he’s explaining it to a child, “One for the drug dealer and one for the car guy,”

“And one for Lucas.” He can see Caleb trying to put the pieces together, but he’s missing a few and Tony wants to help, but won’t until Caleb asks him to.

“Why?” is all Caleb says. He looks impassive, like he’s trying not to pass judgement until he gets the whole story. That’s one of the things Tony loves about him.

“I lied to you about why Ryan and I broke up,” Tony starts before Caleb cuts him off by shouting,

“Tony, do not change the subject!”

“I’m not,” Tony replies, “Just hear me out.” Caleb sets his jaw and nods, obviously unhappy. Tony exhales, shakily, and looks out at the setting sun.

“Ryan and I weren’t the perfect couple. I would get irritated by him trying to show me off like a possession and he got irritated by my unpredictable anger, but we were working on it. We wanted to make it work because we really liked each other so we made the effort and things were great...for a while. We were disgustingly happy. Yin and Yang, sure, but that’s what made it perfect. One day, we were walking through an alley after a date and we were getting kind of, uhhh, affectionate, when this guy comes out of nowhere and calls us faggots. That just got my blood boiling, like more than fucking Monty destroying my car, so I step to him. Ryan tells me to just let it go, but this fucking guy he says it again and then he has the fucking audacity to call Ryan my, my bitch and I just lose it. I’m pummeling this guy and I scream at Ryan to get the fuck out of there and he does. Suddenly, I hear sirens and I run into the nearest building, which is the Crestmont, and beg Hannah to hide me. She does. Caleb, she lied to the fucking cops for, just so I wouldn’t go to juvie. That’s why she made me look after the tapes; I owed her. After that...Ryan and I just never spoke of it. We didn’t speak of anything. I avoided him like hell and well our relationship was kind of just over.” 

Tony can feel a tear on his face, but he wipes it away quickly, hoping Caleb won’t see. He can’t look him in his face. He can’t see the disappointment and disgust. It’ll break him. 

“You’re still in love with Ryan.” 

Tony blanches and turns his head sharply to look at Caleb, who is looking out at the sunset. Though he won’t admit it, Tony’s heart skipped a beat at Caleb’s words. Was he? No no no, that’s not the point of this conversation.

“Did you not hear what I just said? I half blinded a man, Caleb, I should be in jail!”

Caleb doesn’t say anything. He remains still and that’s not good because it gives Tony time to consider Caleb’s words. Is it true? Did he love Ryan? Yes, obviously. He loved all his friends. But was he in love with Ryan? No, he can’t be; he’s in love with Caleb. Caleb with his understanding nature and beautiful smile, but does this mean he can’t be in love with Ryan too? Ryan with his sassy remarks but actually very caring soul. The way he would comb his hands through Tony’s hair until he was calm, the way he trusted Tony so deeply, the way he’d feel when….oh shit. He was still in love with Ryan.

**Author's Note:**

> I never thought my first ever fanfiction would be 13 Reasons Why, but here we are. Hope you liked it! (Also can anyone help me with spacing I don't know how it works)


End file.
